SO I HAVEN'T DONE MUCH with this blog since 2019. I had to start a new job. It required I spend most of my time learning new things. So I didn't write much. Especially not reflective stuff. Like I used throughout this blog. Now we're in the age of AI. I'm using my voice. Also my semi touch-typing skill. To keep writing this blog. I think I haven't fulfilled its purpose. Which was to help me find a meaning of life. I know, I know. Sounds ambitious.
But think about it. Writing rearranges your thoughts. Makes them clear. Trust me, clear thoughts mean better decisions. Better than when your mind's cluttered. With all kinds of unprioritized thoughts. So I'm restarting this blog. I hope I can write every day. It's good to reflect. Now ten years passed. I'm leaving my midlife. Usually, you hear midlife, then crisis. I'm dealing with that a bit. You cross halfway of your longevity. Normal people realize they want to look back. See how much they walked.
How much they achieved, if any. I got two missions for rewriting this blog. One, I want to recall memories. Crystal clear details. In the past, I wrote everything. I got a five-year diary. Each page divides into five sections. I fill one every day. Five years pass, all boxes are filled. With what happened that day. I find it therapeutic. I get chills recalling memories. Like when I write about someone I'm thankful for. I feel chills in my spine. It's nice to recall grateful moments.
When things aren't right, I write. Even in that small box. A few lines. About what happened. It makes me see the world different. I recognize the fault's mine too. As much as theirs. In any wrongdoing. The other reason for restarting? Capture my old writing sensibility. I used to be good. Made references. Created metaphors. Came up with mnemonics no one could touch. That faded over time. I didn't exercise it. During my dissertation, I described everything. My reader could smell the scene. I was architectural. Built a foundation.
Constructed a framework of thoughts. Strong internal framing. Counterarguments didn't stand. No flaws found. Then I slapped on the façade. Pristine words people wanted to hear. Added windows and doors. Let people enter my house. Experience it themselves. Come out feeling they learned something. I painted comprehensive pictures. For those who weren't there. Not just scenery. The smell. The feeling. The sixth sense. Something beyond words. I used metaphors to project thoughts. I wanna recapture that skill. That sensation. Something strong drove me to write like that. Compelling.
Beyond the rigid domain of professional design. Obsessed with design, not description. I must come clean. I didn't write here for years. I sought refuge at Medium.com. It was well-formatted. Had chances to make money. If people read more. I thought my experiences could help. Make folks feel better. Or worse, who knows. I could earn from it. I got stories others don't. Wrote a few pages there. Now I'm back to this blog. Where it started. It's freedom. Not many read this. Unlike Medium. I can be free. Adamant.
Honest. I want people to feel what I feel. Maybe it resonates. Helps them see their situation different. Like Daniel Kahneman said, nothing's as important as it feels in that moment. He passed last year. Allegedly by his own will. Sad for a decision-making expert. Helped lots of people. Him and Amos Tversky. I like Kahneman. He knew how people mess up decisions. Got a Nobel for it. Another story for later. Today. I wanna talk simulation. I've been obsessed a long time.
Couldn't understand if we're in a real world. Or simulation. Goes back to when I was young. Grew up in Bangkok. I'd lie on my wooden bed. Look at the ceiling. Imagine small guys under my bed. Cities down there. Like our world. But smaller. Their comic books? Stories about me. I was their interest. Only subject. They lived by my clock. Wanted my news. Read it for fun. To learn. Help their lives. I read tons of comics. Fantasy ones. Got me thinking.
If I can imagine being king of a kingdom nobody cares about, maybe I'm an actor in one. Someone created. Nobody cares. Elon Musk said stuff about this. If we look at computer speed today, it's wild. Moore's Law—transistors double every two years. We're growing exponential. Tech's moving fast. Huge investments. Especially in the US. Center of digital stuff. Soon, video games'll be indistinguishable from reality. Maybe we're there. We're in a simulation now. I thought this after The Matrix. Watched all three. Loved the third. Unveiled mysteries. The Architect.
Neo. Free will questions. Got me deep when I taught philosophy in Shanghai. Ten years ago. Starting this blog. I could dig deep. Rabbit hole's endless. Still better than living for primitive stuff. Like sex. Food. Entertainment. Here's my theory. I believe we're in a simulation. Computers develop too fast. We're past real-life simulation already. That's nice, actually. If it's a simulation, we don't gotta care much. If we care, it's better knowing it ends. Something good comes next. Takes away thoughts of suicide. Or crimes. Why go crazy?
It's just a simulation. I got three hypotheses about how we got here. First one. Simulation's a test. We don't know where it leads. What kind it is. Like a SWAT movie. Fake experience to train. See if you crack. I think it's S.W.A.T. with Colin Farrell. The protagonist's in a fake situation. I won't know till the end. Walls collapse. He cracked. Lost the task. We're like that. Memories on hold. Live in the simulation. No past. If you crack, wanna leave? You fail. Could be a good theory.
Like pilot training. Simulate a crash. See if they save the plane. We don't know what's at the end. Maybe it's good. You pass if you don't break. All we gotta do? Do not take life too seriously. Get through calm. Second theory. Simulation's punishment. We're here millions of times. I've typed this post a million times. Family, love, breakups. Same girl. Same spot. Nothing changes. Is Diet Coke on my table? Always there. In every simulation, I act the same. Only way out? Realize it's a loop. Not easy.
Not hard. Don't put the Coke there. Try new. Then you're free. Aligns with Buddhism. We give meaning to meaningless. That's why we suffer. Stop it, you're free. I don't like repeating pain. Hope I'm close to seeing the loop. Getting out. Third theory. Entertainment. We're in a world where lifelike simulation's normal. AI works for us. We get everything free. No work. Governments give universal basic income. People use it to play. Not police them. Money keeps folks in line. Less harm than when they're poor. Hopeless.
Poor folks do bad stuff. Fentanyl. Crime. With cash, we enter simulations. Someone bored picks my life. Lives it a bit. Wakes up. Tries another. Forever. We cured cancer. Don't die. But endless life? Boring. Some want death. Not an option. Utopian. Dystopian. Long life, no meaning? That's hell. I believe these theories. Don't know which is true. Can't all be. I like the first. Test's optimistic. Get out, find something real. Second's doom. Hard to escape loops. Third's bad. Humans want no death. Then get bored. Hypocritical.
Why build civilization if we're just bored? I'm different now. Ten years ago, I started this blog. Fresh. Now I have experience. Don't trust myself. Crack under pressure. Don't trust others. They want good times. Not trust. Writing's my thing. One line a day. Find meaning. Never a day without a line. Citations: Kahneman's work: Kahneman, D., & Tversky, A. (1979). Prospect Theory: An Analysis of Decision under Risk. Econometrica, 47(2), 263– 291. Moore's Law: Moore, G. E. (1965). Cramming More Components onto Integrated Circuits. Electronics, 38(8).
Musk's simulation theory: Musk, E. (2016). Interview at Code Conference. Vox Media.
Daniel Kahneman