HAPPY NEW YEAR! WELL, IT'S another first of January -- the new year. We should all think about what we'd like to do this year, what changes we would like to make, and whatever goals we would like to achieve. All of this makes perfect sense. That said, I have been struggling to come up with a "new year resolution." What do I want to do this year?
Upon reading Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind Book by Yuval Noah Harari, I have been thinking about one very important question: What makes strangers, who don't know each other at all, hate each other? This is a huge question.
Think about it: So many people fight in a war with some total strangers, sometimes to death, whom they have never met before; so many people feel the urge of hating someone they read about in the news even though they have never met or known that someone (in person or not) at all; so many people are being completely absorbed in the business of going as far as to condemn others without even knowing some basic information about the condemned. Why?
Let me start with putting this question toward myself? Have I ever hated anyone I have never met? The answer is yes and no. Who's the most hated person in the history? How about Adolf Hitler? Do I know him? No. Do I even speak the same language he does? No. Do I know anything at all about him besides those written about him that I had read 4 decades after he died? No. Of course I do not like Adolf Hitler for an obvious reason.
But before I rest my feeling of disgust on the kind of person he was, I read up on his numerous biographies, watch documentaries about him, and try to understand why he had become who he eventually was -- "the face of evil," many may call him. That's, of course, an extreme example. What about those whom I have heard the names of but do not know in person, say, rapists, murderers, malign political lobbyists?
Two posts ago, I mentioned to you about how I don't read news, so, in a way, I can't really hate anyone on the basis of hearing anything about them through news. So, at the level of information acquisition itself, I probably wouldn't have any information at all to judge anyone. Yet, even though I have heard about them through news, I would probably think that whatever it is, "experts" should be brought into the picture to investigate the accusations.
There're countless times where innocent people get put in jail for crimes they did not do. There are "public opinion" or the opinion of those who would like to feel emotionally attached and be swayed by sensational news, and the "truth" which is what really happened. If you ask most people, they'd say that they believe in "truth" and not "public opinion," but what exactly makes them feel as though their notion of "truth" is not being clouded by what they heard from the news around them?
Many of us both conflate and confuse the two: "public opinion" and "truth." There's an old saying, "There would be no fire, if there's no smoke," meaning that rumors can't just come out of nowhere. There has to be a source of it otherwise it would not have been discusses, spread, and become news. That's the "smoke and fire" theory of news. A pretty convincing argument?
In the society today where we all have to find the way to survive, we need to take clues from whatever sources we can to stay afloat. If the news says "Mr. A is bad," it makes sense for most people to try to dissociate themselves from Mr. A, not hanging out with Mr. A, or even downright and publicly condemn Mr. A. Why? I asked one of my friends who did this in the past -- and now regretted it. "I am scared," said he.
What he meant was that he's scared to be associated with someone with a bad reputation. I continued to press on with a question "why?" I am afraid because I am nobody. If I am somebody, I wouldn't be afraid. I still need a job, a career, etc., so it's important that I do whatever the public eyes believe to be the most appropriate thing to do. Ok. So, it's the insecurity.
If you're not secure about your job, your life, your position in the society and elsewhere, of course you would not want anyone to see your being associated with bad things. But even if you tend to know that in your encounter with Mr. A, he is never like that?; or, that you have not given Mr. A the due process? Insecurity, therefore, is not just a trivial, but a key problem. Why do people feel insecure? Well, the answer to this question would probably need another long post.
All I can think of right now, according to my own past experience, is that: I feel personally insecure when I: Need something from someone. When you need something from someone, it's natural that you can't afford to be secure because you are relying on that someone to provide you what you need; Don't have the evidence to support any of my thoughts, arguments, or claims.
In fact, the main source of my insecurity comes when I try to argue something that I do not have any evidence to support it. Can there be anything that could make one feel more insecure than this?; and, When I am not being honest. You never feel safe when you have something to hide. Yes, when you're not honest, you don't have any ground on which to stand; therefore, you're not secured as a person, as a being. So, my advice is: Be secure.
You are who you are: Don't be dishonest. Don't claim that you don't what you don't know. And don't accuse other people for your own advantage. It's easy to ride on a high tide in order to be famous and "safe," but every time you're doing it you should always remind yourself that you are walking on thin ice -- or be in a situation in which you are likely to upset someone because of your insecurity or cause trouble because of your dishonesty.
Just be honest -- then you'll have no reason to feel insecure. Now, having read A Brief History of Humankind Book by Yuval Noah Harari, I have come to realize why someone can actually hate a stranger whom that someone has never met for various reasons. Here are some of them: Ideology and religiosity: Liberal versus conservative, left versus right, capitalism versus socialism. I find that this is the most convenient reason for two people who don't know each other to be disgusted by each other.
Nationalism (which is, in essence, an ideology) is a reason why so many people volunteer to go to wars against fellow human beings. The reason for which could simply about the fact that they are from a "different nation" or a rooted belief that their ideology and religiosity makes them less human beings than you are; Implicit bias -- also known as implicit social cognition, implicit bias refers to the attitudes or stereotypes that affect our understanding, actions, and decisions in an unconscious manner; and, Jealousy.
I want to focus on the last reason: Jealousy. The historian and best-selling author Yuval Noah Harari would argue that jealousy is rooted in our evolution. Jealously makes you aware of those who have better genes, better living condition, and therefore better chances of survival. We, therefore, feel jealous because we too either would like to survive, or be the person chosen by those with better chance of survival, so that we will get pulled up the ladder of evolution. What happens what you're not chosen?
You bet, you get jealous. It's a primitive psychological defense so that one could still feel as though one is not completely worthless -- it's just because that person who's more superior just isn't all the great. In a way, we're evolved to see others, even those in the same homo sapiens species, as competitors.
In the author Robert Wright's gem of a book Why Buddhism is True, the author quotes the psychologists Tooby and Cosmides' idea about jealously, using an example of the most palpable form of jealousy there is -- sexual: The emotion of sexual jealousy constitutes an organized mode of operation specifically designed to deploy the programs governing each psychological mechanism so that each is poised to deal with the exposed infidelity. Physiological processes are prepared for such things as violence.
The goal of deterring, injuring, or murdering the rival emerges; the goal of punishing, deterring, or deserting the mate appears; the desire to make oneself more competitively attractive to alternative mates emerges; memory is activated to re- analyze the past; confident assessments of the past are transformed into doubts; the general estimate of the reliability and trustworthiness of the opposite sex (or indeed everyone) may decline; associated shame programs may be triggered to search for situations in which the individual can publicly demonstrate acts of violence or punishment that work to counteract an (imagined or real) social perception of weakness; and so on.
Now, back to the present time. I find that many of us hate people whom we don't know personally because we're jealous of them. Accept it, it's true. They have what you don't have, they embody the life of those you wish to be yours, and they appear to make things you find so difficult extremely easy. When I was younger, I used to have this feeling -- all the time. I hated those who studied better than I did. I hated those who're better basketball players.
I hated those who seemed to get everything done sooooo easily. What wasn't I that person? I remember that I disliked Hillary Clinton so much during the election in 2016. This was before I stopped consuming news completely. It's because I was vouching for Bernie Sanders. Scrutinizing my own thoughts, I couldn't find anything about Hillary Clinton that was so bad. True, she might be doing sketchy things like a private server or her emails, but what do I really know about the impact of that?
I got completely observed in the news and discussions against her to the point that I, who did not (and still do not) know Clinton, felt as though I could never have dinner on the same table with her. Looking back, I feel nothing but shame. But hey, to be a Hillary-hater was pretty cool then. If you didn't like her, you're presenting yourself as a liberal non-conformist who said "enough is enough." So, I was riding that tide for my very own benefit.
I wanted to be known as a liberal non-conformist. It's the different ideology, implicit bias, and probably jealousy (that I wasn't as successful as she was) that drove me into entering the anti-Clinton troops. I was so immature...What's the point of judging someone whom you don't even know based on news about them? What if someone write something bad about you, would you be okay for people to hate you -- without even knowing you -- based on those news?
It took me to get to know that person I thought I hated, for me to realize that, "Wait, why did I hate this person before?" That's a revelation for me. Jealously isn't a fact. It's a subjective preconception of someone and something based on my own insecurity (ta-da!).
I feel jealous of my little cousin because "she's so young and energetic." I feel jealous of my not-so-young male cousin because "he's so young, muscular, and good looking (he does look like a famous Thai actor)." And I feel jealous of my mother sometimes because "she knows everything about finance (since she's a banker for 30 years). Now, why do I feel jealous? Because I don't have what they have. It's as simple as that, but these are people that I personally know: My cousins and my mother.
What about those whom I don't know? Well, I have to admit that I don't feel jealous of anyone or anything, as of this very point in time. It's for the same reason, but in reverse, to the reasons why I am jealous of my cousins and my mother: I don't think I lack anything that anyone else have. I have a good (great actually) health at this point in time (and knock on wood).
I get to read, think, and write every day (what else can one ask for, right?) I get to meet those whom I care about whenever I want. My life is not perfect. I am not rich. But it's fulfilled, so I don't feel the urge to exercise my sense of jealously beyond my cousins and my mother. In other words, I feel secured.
So, yes, I think we human beings are naturally insecure, so do whatever we can to survive, including "trying to eliminate those who are above you (and therefore the source of jealousy)." That said, this is not the world I would like to live in, or would like those whom I love to grow up in.
On Design Culture Part 1 (of Many More Parts to Come)