I HAVE MOVED THE PREVIOUS Day 88 post "Only If I Can Do These 12 Things" to the main page of this blog and changed its name to "Principles" since these are, essentially, the principles by which we should aim to live our life. Now, in this post, I want to quickly unpack them into practical guides. Here're a few practical guides according to the 12 principles: First, be in the "flow," in other words, be here now (no, not the 1997 album of one of the favorite band's Oasis).
The meaning of flow is discusses in Bill Burnett's book Designing Your Life. Flow is engagement on steroids. Flow is that state of being in which time stands still, you're totally engaged in an activity, and the challenge of that particular activity matches up with your skill—so you're neither bored because it's too easy nor anxious because it's too hard. People describe this state of engagement as "euphoric," "in the zone," and "freakin' awesome." Have you had this experience?
I have had plenty of them, usually when I do something I really enjoy, such as teaching, reading, biking, and writing a blog post (such as this one, and yes I am in the flow right now). My advice: Do take note of activities that put in the state of flow -- and find a job that let you do that day in and day out. I think Burnett has summarized it all.
Once you're in the flow, your brain won't be spending its precious energy on anything else except the very task at hand. The key is to focus on the smallest portion of the task that you are engaging (which will prevent you from "choking") and trying to get yourself into the "flow" of whatever you are doing. Second, "don't try." The two words written as the epitaph on the writer Charles Bukowski's tombstone. In this sense, don't try to be nice by taking others' problems as your own.
An old saying goes something like this, "People who hate other do so because they hate themselves; they're also jealous of others also because they hate their on lacking. Think about it for a second. I have been thinking about this a lot as I go through my own previous diaries and notebooks; now that I have some free time to do so.
It's almost always the case that whenever I felt the jealous, anxious, hateful of someone or something, I felt that way because I was so dissatisfied with the state of being in which I was, so I tried to take it out on other people. If I can't be happy, I'll bring everyone else down. Yes, I did not like myself, and hence felt that the only way I could feel better was to forcefully pull those down to my own depressing level. That's selfish.
Reading through pages of my own old diaries and notebooks, I felt sorry for myself. That said, there's one thing to feel good about: I never anonymously took it out on other people. At least, even in my darkest hours of self-loahing, I still had some dignity enough to use my real identity to blame others.
The author Mark Manson (from whose a-gem-of-a-book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, I got the above- mentioned anecdote about Bukowski) Most of us struggle throughout our lives by giving too many fucks in situations where fucks do not deserve to be given. Look, this is how it works. You're going to die one day. I know that's kind of obvious, but I just wanted to remind you in case you'd forgotten. You and everyone you know are going to be dead soon. Third, be a minimalist.
In this sense, there're a few key points: On friendship, quality, not quantity; On things, replacing not adding; On aesthetics, less is more; On consumption, consume just as we need; On communication, be brief, focused, and nonviolent; On leisure, treasure experience, not possession of physical objects. Fourth, be a maximalist -- on good values such as modesty, community, love, forgivingness. For all of these quality, more is, simply, more. Fifth, don't compare, or at least only to yourself yesterday.
Why do we buy things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people we don't like? The answer is because we compare ourselves to others. Again, I resort to Mark Manson's quote from the same book again: Our culture today is obsessively focused on unrealistically positive expectations: Be happier. Be healthier. Be the best, better than the rest. Be smarter, faster, richer, sexier, more popular, more productive, more envied, and more admired. This is very true and therefore very sad.
Years ago, before I closed all my social media accounts, I asked myself one question: "Why is my life so bad?" "Good" and "bad" are relative. So, for anything to be "good" or "bad," there has to be a reference point. As you can probably guess, I used photos of other people that I saw on their social media as reference points. That is, I felt that my life was bad because I constantly compared my life to the heavily-curated portrayals of others on the internet.
In The Art of the Good Life, the author Rolf Dobelli argues that "Envy has a bigger impact on your life satisfaction then physical affliction or financial ruin, and the ability to manage it is fundamental to the good life. In the similar tone to Dr. Jordan B. Peterson's fourth rule in 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos "Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today," Dobelli puts in simply, "Stop comparing yourself to other people and you'll enjoy an envy-free existence.
Steer well clear of all comparisons. That's the golden rule." Bonus: My extra-boring iPhone. Putting all of these together, I have been working on all of these guides. The first step for me is to get rid of external sources of anxiety. I realize that I have been feeling very anxious because of my iPhone where gossip, rumors, scandals and unsubstantiated news do not have to ask for permission to reach my eyes.
In addition, my iPhone is also the source of "hyper-curated mythologies" (an academic term for how someone presents themselves on social media) of people whose life are actually the same as yours and mine. Apparently, these people don't travel and eat at a Michelin Starred restaurant for living. Like you and me, they have to work in order to make money to pay rent, buy food, etc. What have we done to ourselves? So, to get rid of the problem from the very source, while recognizing the use of technology.
Take a look at my iPhone's screen below. Yes, it's in black and white since a monochrome screen uses less energy (so my iPhone last longer on a single charge). A monochrome screen is also not very appealing to look at; hence, I don't pick it up unless I have to; No sound or heptic (vibration) notifications whatsoever.
I choose when I want to look at my phone; I use Flipboard as my only browser, so that I can screen what I would like to Rea an the number of news of what I would like to consume per day; iBook contains more than 120+ books that I am currently researching and reading; Audible is where I keep 300+ books in my online cloud library to listen to any time that I feel the urge to learn more; Podcasts is where I listen to subscribed radio programs.
Here're my top five: Hidden Brain, Freakonomics Radio, Philosophize This, Household Name, and Slow Burn. I want to further cut down the number of apps to 10 -- meaning that I will eventually stop using 4 out of 5 messaging apps that I currently have. The main issue I have with these messaging apps is that most of us using them to send messages in lieu of email but we expect people to respond as fast as if it's an SMS. When our expectation is not met. we get offended.
Actually, maybe I can stop using all of them altogether. It'd be wonderful if we all go back to using emails -- where we start a message with "Dear" and end it with "Regards" -- again.
The Saddest Sonnet